so that wasnt chicken after all
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
