I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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