Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
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What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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