Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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