how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
