Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
