oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize