No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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