Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
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She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
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That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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