Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
