I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
