Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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