so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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