At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
