Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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