Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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