Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
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I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
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New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize