dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize