You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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