Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
