Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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