if only i could text you this smell
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
