Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Randomize
