Please don't use social media to get back at me.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
