when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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