Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
