so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
