My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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