When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We talked him into tasing himself.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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