His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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