yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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