just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
