I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
