okay pat passed out under dana's car
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
