I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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