things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
smell my finger.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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