By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
