I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Randomize
