well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
