I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
