Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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