it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
