Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
