I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
