ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
