Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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