the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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