Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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