I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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