I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
