he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
