he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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