Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
