U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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