I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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