Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
