She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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