Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
