6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
