As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Will exercising make me less horny?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
