I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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