Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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