I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
