we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize