Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
