Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
