I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
