IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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